Keep calm and Keri lang

First week of class…… hmm what can I say? 50% okay 50% not. Why do I always get the ‘not so good’ professors and classmates? I cannot clearly express my thoughts about how unlucky I am this term (and the past three terms)..  Sad to think that it was just the first week but I don’t feel like going back next week anymore. Tapos may homework pa agad? Agad agad? Why not give us students two weeks to motivate ourselves first?! Nakakaloka intense katamaran is kicking in. Parang homework lang.. agad agad.

Anyway, I don’t like having classmates I’m not “that” comfortable with. (Shempre may rason naman kung bakit hindi ka komportable being around them diba?) When it comes to professors, I don’t like the strict and terror ones, but I also do not like the “slack off” type as well. Yung sakto lang, not so strict and not so easy going. Yung may sense of humor para masaya! Yung mabait para good vibes palagi. And mostly, yung hindi nagpapareport (oh yes!) Ugh I just don’t like professors that are fond of asking their students to report and do other things (that sometimes aren’t related to what they’re teaching anymore). I hate reporting, a lot.. as in a lot. I hate speaking and reciting in class. I’m content with keeping everything to myself, my thoughts, my opinions, everything. Okay ako sa written, projects or whatever. Wag lang reporting, speech, presentation, recitation. Oh please.. then the teacher goes..

“Miss Mendoza?”

Then he or she be like “Please present your work in front.”

or “What do you think about the (insert topic here)?”

Then everyone’s like

I tend to forget everything, nagffreak out internal organs ko from head to toe seriously cause I don’t know what to say.. Minsan wala talaga akong idea kung ano sasabihin/isasagot ko, but most of the time nammental block lang ako. I don’t know maybe I’m just nervous? Then everyone will look/laugh at me like I’ve done something bad and unnatural, and I’m just like..

I feel like I plainly embarrassed myself. Then magsstay pa sa utak ko yon for like an hour, iisipin ko kung sobrang kahihiyan ba ang nagawa ko.. Para akong nawalan ng dignidad sa nangyare, nayurakan yung pagkatao ko just like that!

Hahaha just kidding! But seriously every time I fail to answer or do something, then the professor will kind of scold me (sometimes insult me) in front of the class, I honestly feel so embarrassed. Who wouldn’t anyway? And what’s worse is I let it bother me for a while.. hindi tama yon. Why? Cause it affects everything I do, and most importantly my emotions. It messes with my mind and steals my happiness. Sometimes no matter how hard I stop myself from thinking about it, I just can’t. Well this actually applies to everything, basta pangyayare na hindi maganda. I keep on plunging over a particular incident over and over and over again. I sometimes make a big deal out of it.. Yeah.. people like me make a big deal out of really stupid things at times.

I am an unpredictable person. There are times when I don’t really care about important or unimportant things at all. Times when I don’t care about anything else besides myself (and vice versa). I’ve been through a lot as a teenager.. issues, dramas and some other things. Sometimes I take it seriously and personally; most of the time I don’t.. still depends on the situation though! Ang hirap lumugar sa ibang bagay. Well that just shows that life is naturally complicated. But “that’s life!”, whatever happens happens. All you gotta do is deal with it and move on. Accept the things you can’t change, wala ka ng magagawa nangyare na eh. Stressing about it changes nothing. Shit happens.. (mostly to me so don’t worry) but then again, that’s life. I may have gone through things, I may have been going through some things pero keri lang! I will always be thankful that I am always able to keep up.. always. 🙂 Drama drama for awhile pero move on din right after!

Going back to my first week experience; wala na. I have to stick with these for 3 months. Tatanggapin ko nalang ng labag bukal sa kalooban. I’ve no choice! You don’t always get what you want ika-nga. Ok then.

PS:  I’m currently working on my self esteem and emotional issues.. Push ko to! 😉

PSS: I’m also trying to motivate myself.. No one will do it for me. Whatever has to be done, it’s always my choice. Ippush ko din ito ng bonggelzz. Kahit every morning ganto ang eksena..