Issues

Do you ever feel like you don’t want to be with your friends at times? No, not because you want to spend some time alone.. It’s just you don’t feel like being with them. You’re not comfortable having them around. You’re not in the mood to get along with them.

Sadly, I get to feel that sometimes. And I hate it. Cause every time I get that feeling I tend to just sit down and keep quiet until I put myself in a (really) bad mood. To the point where everyone pisses me off so easily, like just their mere presence irritates me so much it makes me want to punch each one of them in the face really hard (lol just kidding!) and then my day gets ruined eventually.. just. like. that.

It activates my “maldita” mode as well. I am the meanest person you could talk to when I’m on my bitch mode. I actually tell my friends to give me a 10-minute ‘cooling down’ period (No human interaction) to calm myself down.. Sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn’t. So I still end up being rude to them. I guess they got used to it already.. They got used to having to keep up with my-maldita-self.

I always try to deal with my (bad) mood in the most sanguine way as possible, believe it or not. Coz of course, I don’t want to harm anyone in any way. I don’t want to treat the people around me literally like shit. I don’t want to hurt anyone, most especially the people I love and care about. So I always try to control myself; my actions but mostly my words.

But I always end up failing.

My temper gets into me so much that I lose control of myself; I become tactless. I feel the need to annoy someone…. Someone close to me to be specific. I feel like I need to tell them something that would make them feel bad about themselves. (Ang sama!) Can you just imagine how rude I can be when I’m not in the mood? How rude I become to my friends? How shitty it is to be friends with me? someone like me? How shitty it is to be me.

This is actually a warning(?), kind of.. If ever you get to meet me or I get to meet you someday, at least you already have an idea on what kind of person I am. become when I get in such a bad mood. Well, I am currently working on my patience and self-control. Hopefully someday I’ll be able to deal with this issue in a subtle manner.

Despite all of those, I still don’t consider myself as a bad person. Well some people might think of me as one.. well then, alright. If that’s what you think.

Everyone has a dark side; every single one of us has flaws. It just happened that mine is unconcealed.. I think. I am actually glad because I don’t need to hide anything from anyone. What you see is what you get. (Unfortunately, yung dark side ko yung mas dominant, but still and all, if you know me or if you try to get to know me, you will also get to see my positive and fun side. Meron din ako non! 😛 )

Anyway, to my friends.. I am really sorry. I know I have never apologized for this behavior of mine (sobrang pormal ba? Lol) but I hope you guys understand. 🙂 🙂

And to the person who tweeted “You’re the meanest person I know but for me you’re a true friend, no matter what. #random” I assume you are referring to me (lol assumera!) I admit I get REALLY rude when it comes to you, kilala mo naman ako. You know me too well. You are honestly the greatest friend I have, just so you know. Thank you very much for keeping up with me all the time. 🙂 And sorry.. for everything.

PS: I had to vent about this.