Today, November 3rd 2011. A close friend of mine celebrated her birthday. We knew each other since June 2007 at school, and we have been very good friends. We have very good sharing with deep thoughts. But last April 2011 an incident set us apart with anger and grief, and then regrets. But we finally got back to contact each other now. We apologized to each other. Today, she turned 16 years old. I greeted her on twitter
pero that greeting wasn’t enough.. I want to tell her so many things, pero I don’t have the guts to.
IF YOU’RE NOT MEGAN, PLEASE STOP READING NA. YOU CAN LEAVE MY BLOG OR SCROLL DOWN TO SEE MY OLD POSTS. NOT THIS OKAY, NOT THIS. pero it’s your choice, if you insist de sige.
Hi Megan, if you’re reading this I would like to apologize talaga for all the things that i’ve done to you. For all the things that i’ve said before, lahaaaat. Sobrang sorry. Sobrang pathetic ng lahat ng nagawa and nasabi ko sayo 6 months ago. Hindi ko alam kung anong pumasok sa utak ko kung bakit ko nagawa yun, kaya I would like to apologize. Nasira yung friendship natin dahil lang sa mababaw na bagay. Honestly, naging mabuting kaibigan ka sakin. Nasabi ko lang naman lahat yun dati para lang may masabi ako laban sayo. Sorry if naging immature ako that time. Hindi ko na babanggitin dito yung mga ngyare kasi hindi lang naman ikaw for sure makakabasa nito. Pero seryoso talaga before nagseselos na ko kay Jc kasi sya palagi. Sya palagi mong kasama, laging sya inaaya mo if ever may pupuntahan ka or bibili ka sa canteen, lagi nalang kayo yung naghhave fun(can’t think of the right word, hehe), nagtatawanan kayo, samantalang ako laging mag isa dun sa may aircon nagkukunwaring busy pero hindi naman para lang di mahalata na sad ako. That time nalulungkot ako kasi nga lagi akong magisa. Di ko to nasabi sayo before hindi ko alam kung bakit, kasi nga siguro pathetic. Baka isipin mo kasi na bakit wala ka bang rights na makipaghalubilo or maging close kay jc? Meron naman. Pero kasi siguro naiisip ko non na, baka nakalimutan mo na ko. Na hindi na ako yung best friend mo. Sorry kung napapahiya kita dati sa harap ng maraming tao. Sorry kung minsan, no actually madalas kitang masungitan. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero kilala nyo naman ako diba. Sobrang moody kong tao, minsan sobrang masayahin, minsan naman sobrang sungit. Baka isipin mo ginagawa ko sayo yun on purpose. No ha, kahit kanino nagsusungit ako, di ko yun sinasadya, nasanay lang siguro ako sa ganon.. Sorry dun. Alam mo nahihiya nga ako sayo ng sobra nung nagkita kita tayo. Before ka dumating sobrang iniisip ko talaga kung pano ako magaact pag magkaaksama na tayo, for sure awkward yon, anong sasabihin ko sayo, anong isasalubong ko sayo pag dating mo. Actually nga pag pasok namin ng mall sabi ko kela liezl, parang di pa ko ready. Pero ang sabi nila, ayos lang daw yan. Nung pag dating mo nga gusto talaga kita ihug ng super kaso nahihiya ako talaga. The night before nagretweet ka ng “wala akong best friend”, i felt bad nung nabasa ko yun. Kasi shempre nga diba. Nakakalungkot isipin na sa dinami dami nga naman ng tao na pwede kong makaaway or what bakit ikaw pa. Omg emo. Hehe pero seryoso, gusto ko kasi talaga ipaalam sayo lahat ng gusto kong sabihin. Kanina nagtweet ka na you received a very super duper mega touching message from jc. Dun din, nalungkot din ako. Kasi ako 1 tweet lang ang paggreet ko sayo. Unlike yung ginagawa ko usually sa mga close friends ko, na sinesendan ko din message din naman everytime na magcelebrate sila ng birthday, take note inaantay ko talagang magmidnight para ako ang una. Sad ako kasi sayo hindi ko nagawa yon, sa twitter siguro oo ako una. Pero gustuhin man kitang sendan ng nakakatouch na message tulad ng ginawa ni Jc eh nahihiya na ko, hello after all. Hirap naman umact na parang walang ngyare diba? Siguro di pa ko ready kanina na sendan ka ng message. Pero sobrang saya ko na nagkabati tayo, kung hindi mo pa ko minessage sa facebook, eh baka wala ng mangyare. Regarding dun, i’ve found na there’s something i probably should head forward because of my advancement in some kind of maturity. I’m hoping na eventually mababasa mo din to, maybe tomorrow, or next week, or next month or next year or 5 years from now, 10 years from now. Syaka maybe we won’t be treating each other as best friends anymore since ngyare ang mga bagay na gcxvswcjdb fsjvzbsd. Pero i’m still hoping na sana everything will be back to the way it was, before we had that stupid petty fight. No, hindi pala kasi hindi rin ganon kaganda yung mga ngyare and yung turing natin sa isa’t isa before mangyare yon. I hope we can restart our friendship with a new perspective, and a clear boundary.. I love you so much, Megan. Though hindi ko yun napakita sayo nung close pa tayo. Pero seriously, love talaga kita. Sana hindi na maulit lahat ng ngyare and sana maging magkakabarkada tayo until dumating yung time na may apo na tayo. Yes naman. Hahaha. Pero seryoso ko. Sana more bonding and less awkward moments soon. 😀 Namimiss ko na kasi yung best friend ko. Namimiss ko ng magkwento sayo. Namimiss ko ng makipagtawanan sayo. Namimiss ko yung pag pasok sa school magkkwento agad ako sayo ng nakakatwang bagay na nakita ko sa tumblr. Namimiss ko na yung kwentuhan natin about dun sa “dream girl” daw ako ni you know who. HAHAHA, namimiss ko ng magkwento sayo about sa crush ko ang kay Iggy yung mga kilig momemnts. Namimiss ko na din yung dm natin sa twitter pinaguusapan natin yung nakakalokang tweets nila ano. Pinagtatawanan natin sila. Alam mo kasi ngayon college ang dami daming bagay na ngyare sakin. May mga malulungkot, may mga nakakakilig. Hindi ko nasasabi sayo kasi di nga tayo okay. 🙁 Pero sana pag naging close ulit tayo, makapagkwento na ulit ako. Mapagtawanan na ulit natin yung mga nakakalokang tweets nila ano. HAHA Ikaw din naman eh, you owe me super daming kwento. Hindi ko na alam kung anong ngyayare sayo. Anyway madami ng alam ang ibang nakakabasa neto, pero ayos lang yun. Megan, i hope you had fun today with your family and friends. I would like you to know na if you’ve any problem or if you need someone to talk to, i’m always here. Wag ngalang problem about sa studies kasi alam mo naman na wala akong maisasagot jan haha and alam ko naman na kaya mo lahat yan no. I wish you all the best in life(btter lang, akin yung best) AHHAHAH JOKE, good health and bright future. Oh my gosh, parang nagwiwish ako sa anak kong nagcecelebrate ng 7th birthday. =)) Pag butihan mo pa lalo yung ginagawa mo kasi sure talaga ko na magiging successful ka talaga. And yun i guess hanggang dito nalang. Let me know if nabasa mo na to, you can text or tweet me. Basta let me know! I love you ulit, Megan! I love you, and Liezl and Kat and Cristine and JC. I love you all more than you guys know.
Wait, another friend of mine’s also celebrating her birthday today. Happy birthday, Maryse! Thanks for the treat earlier ha! 🙂
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Sana ok na kayo ng bestfriend mo.. Alam mo parehas satin nangyari yung ganyan kaso ang pinagkaibahan lang parang ako c jc yung pinangseselosan. At alam ko nag.nagseselos tlga yung isa. Hmm. Yung bestfriend ko nung college, yung bestf nya nung hs naging bestf ko na din. Nangyari minalditahan ako ng best ko nung college. Buti nga kinaya ko e. Pagnaaalala ko masakit pa din sya. Haaay. Pero ok naman na kming 3 may some issues pa din minsan di maiwan magselosan. Hahahaha.
Maine, if you could read this, I bet you would not believe.
It happened way back 2009, i was 16 years old back then (like your age this time) and believe it or not we have the same same situation over here and as i was reading your letter it was like as if i’m the one who wrote it, (except for the name of other party thou).
I have this best friend also named Megan V****** and it happen that she also becoming close to other and I’m so jealous about it which I can’t took out of my head that leads to a point that I’m fighting with her. (i don’t care about her “new becoming best friend” that’s why I turn to her, shout/hurt my best friend’s feeling.) At first, I am the one who’s hurt for what she’s doing to me and I just return her the favor, yes it’s selfishness but I can’t help that time, she’s my only best friend 🙁
You know what I feel, and still right now, when those moments are flashing back, I shook my head to erase because it’s still hurting me. “why I did that? She’s my best friend” my heart shout, “because she doesn’t treat you the same, so hurt her feelings anyway as she’s hurting yours” my mind shout. But still it end up that I felt so guilty to the point that I wish I could turn back time and instead invite her to a deep conversation to open up my feelings; that I’m hurting (she’s my best friend anyway, I bet she would understand) but it was too late.
Days, weeks, months passed, those awkward moments, I want to forget it. We just let that passed without talking to each other but as time goes by, it’s as if we’re forgetting that painful moments. Thank God she’s a really really good person, I never heard any word from her, and still she’s the one that *not vocal* forgive me first (like how your best friend did to you). She’s a Christian and instead, she invite me to go to church and there I started realizing everything I did but still I don’t have the courage to say “sorry” but she’s showing me the love that she’s already forgiven me but not on to the fact the we’re being best friend again, because that incident made her and the “other girl” be the best of friends (too bad I trigger them to be the best of friends, I really lost Megan), *she’s just being a nice friend to me that time.*
Along with that, we’ve forgotten the “moment” but still I haven’t ask for an apology and thus mean I still have some unsettled issue on my part, I’ve become too emotional, I cried a lot, the 3 of us we’re hanging out but still my heart cramps as I saw them happy, :'((((((((
I can’t handle. I ran away again. Another months have passed before my mind realizes I need to apologize, it’s not easy thou, but still, I have to, I ask for forgiveness, and all she can say is “I understand, before you have asked me to forgive you, I already did, it’s just that I’m hurt also, I’m not perfect, and like you; I have feelings also, so forgive me also, I can’t be the person you used to have before, yet I could still be your friend whenever you need me.” *cry cry cry :'((((((( waaaa. (a moment of silence)
.
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There, still I cry, it’s already 6 years ago. “sayang kasi”, I lost a very good person, kind hearted and God fearing. Anyways, moving on, “lucky me” we’re stable now, maybe more than friends but less than best friend, (ano daw? parang pumapag-ibig lang)
She’s on Qatar now, she went abroad after we finished college (2013) and good thing, communications are still there. I’m also planning to go there for the reason that my father was also at Qatar but I’m still thinking if I should go because her best friend is with her and I don’t want to happen that “running away moment”. I deeply know myself that I’m so weak that (I know) I’ll be hurt again, maybe not that much but there still has (if you know what I mean) and besides, I think it’s awkward but you know, 6 years had passed maybe “nagmature naman ako kahit papano”. Can you give some advice (even thou I’m 2years older) because I know you could share me some. Hihi (i’m hoping)
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PS: I’ve shown Megan this blog entry of yours. Oct22,2015.12:02am
Me: “Meg, take time to read. Astig!”
Megan: “Yuh relates, It’s like made for me LOL”
Me: “Just like, *I made it for you*.haha”
.
Really Meng, your blog makes me know you more, I hope someday, I’ll meet you. (and if there’s a time, talk with you). I met you in the world we never knew we’re not alone; pessimist.
you may see:
http://the09thwarrior.tumblr.com/post/62079200245/one-and-the-same
Godbless yu! <3
sobrang relate.
Sweet